She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
