At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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