Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
