I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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