He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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