Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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