it wasn't lemon gatorade
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
