WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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