Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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