Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
