guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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