I have demons in me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
