...so i touched it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
