Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
