when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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