i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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