Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
