I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
