Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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