I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
