Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
