my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How drunk are you?
Completed.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
