Me too!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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