hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
