her vagine was all disorganized.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
