dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
