well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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