one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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