Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you had me at cake vodka
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
