We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
