I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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