chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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