If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
