My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
