Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
