..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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