Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
where are my eyebrows?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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