Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
