I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
