I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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