GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
