lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
