did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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