alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
