you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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