just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
