man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
