I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
