Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
