saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He felt like a one man threesome
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
