Having a random hookup so left but love u
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We had sex on a dog bed..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
